If you ask Dr. Phil, your spouse or significant other, or your local bartender, they will all tell you that communication is essential to a successful relationship. As sports officials, we need to communicate clearly with our assignor, game partner(s), auxiliary officials such as scorekeepers or the chain crew, as well as with players, and especially coaches. We also need to communicate with the fans, though with our signals and not verbally.

We operate in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment where emotions often run high. We don’t have much time to stop and discuss the events that are taking place. Yet, as Dr. Phil would say: It will be difficult for us to be successful unless communication occurs. Therein lies the problem? How can we make time to communicate with coaches when we also need to keep the game moving?  An old African adage says, “Two men in a burning house must not stop to argue.” How true. So there must be a balance between communicating effectively with coaches and keeping the contest moving along at an effective tempo.

Irish playwright, critic and political activist George Bernard Shaw said that the greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it has been accomplished. If we don’t take the time to communicate effectively then the people involved can become frustrated and agitated. Truth is, there is no “one way” to ensure that effective communication happens in the heated conditions of an athletic contest. There are however some general principles that can help.

Remain Calm and Controlled 

Our primary responsibility is to maintain control of the contest. If the officials are not in control of themselves, how can they control the game? Being polite will have an amazingly different outcome than barking at coaches. You can establish effective communication by being the consummate professional from the moment you walk into the gym or onto the field by virtue of your demeanor towards the ticket takers, school administration or anyone you first encounter. Richard Denny, who authored Communicate to Win, suggests: Speak to people, smile at people, address people by name. Be warm, friendly and helpful. Be considerate of other people’s feelings. Be thoughtful and respectful of other’s opinions.

I urge you to be courteous toward everyone you meet prior to, and during the event. Be a great listener. Be considerate of the coach’s feelings, even if you disagree with what the coach says. That doesn’t meant that a coach’s opinion is necessarily wrong, but it is biased by nature.

Don’t Cut Your Throat With Your Own Tongue  

Be careful how you respond to a coach’s comment. Try first to defuse the situation, not aggravate it. When a coach or player says something that may warrant a penalty, I will usually ask them if they are talking to me. This gives a coach or player an opportunity to calm down and avoid a penalty. I have no problem pulling the trigger on a penalty if they repeat what was said or tell me that they were in fact talking to me. This is not the time to debate or take things personally. Penalize the behavior and get the game going again. When we argue with coaches, no one wins. The great Greek philosopher Plato said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools speak because they have to say something.” Don’t be a fool and cut your own throat by what you say.

Don’t Hold Grudges  

Every game is a new event. Don’t let something that occurred in the past influence your future response. Things happen in the heat of battle that should quickly be forgiven and forgotten. Again, don’t take things personally. If possible, don’t go back to that school until things have calmed. Maybe they never will, so focus positive attention at other schools. I coached high school football for a number of years and there were times when we really didn’t want certain officials at our games. Sometimes our concern was warranted. But sometimes it was over a perceived slight that never happened. In short, if you have bad relations at a school then stay away. Nothing positive will be accomplished if you or the school harbors a grudge. 

If a coach approaches you in a polite manner during a break in action then talk to the coach, listen, then explain your view of what happened. Be polite and professional in all your interactions. The contest is not between you and the coach or players. It is between the teams. No one came to the game to observe you and the coach argue. Often, the most effective way to handle a heated situation is to agree to disagree. You will never lose by being kind, considerate, polite and professional in your communication. The more steady and consistent our approach to communication, the more rewarding the experience for everyone involved. Your local bartender is right: Communication is essential to any successful relationship.