I Care...

Individual Student Example

Team or Group Example

Let the person know how important they are to you and/or the rest of the group

I'm so glad you're part of the team . I've been hoping you'd join this year.

You all know how I feel about this team: every single one of you is important to our success.

I See...

Focus on behavior. What tipped you off that something was wrong? What did you see or hear that caused you to be concerned?

I saw you carrying duffel bags for some of the seniors. And you didn't come to practice on Wednesday or Thursday.

I've heard rumors that our new members are being asked to do things as a way to become a part of our group that may be dangerous.

I Feel...

Give the person the benefit of knowing how you feel about their behavior. Feelings are best expressed with a single word..I feel angry. I feel worried.

I'm concerned that you aren't feeling very good about being on the team, and that other members aren't making you feel welcome.

I am worried that someone could get hurt, and I feel angry that new members may be disrespected.

Listen...

Listen to what the person has to say. Ask questions. Pay attention by resisting other distractions. Use good non-verbal behavior and other communication skills.

What's happening?

(of course, the responses that follow will depend on what is discussed here...)

What do you think?

(of course, the responses that follow will depend on what is discussed here...)

I Want...

Once you've heard their perspective, let them know what you'd like to have happen.

I know you might not feel comfortable talking about hazing. But I need you to know that I don't tolerate disrespect on my team.

I want you to know that hazing has no place on our team, and that it is against our school policies. If anyone is being hazed,or is concerned about teammates hazing new members, I'd like you to talk to me about it.

I Will,,,

Then let them know what you will do to support them. What are you willing to do? Go with them to seek help from someone else? Be available to talk at another time?

I'll talk with the team at practice and remind everyone that hazing is not acceptable on our team. I won't mention our conversation at that time. Talk to me anytime about this or anything else...

If anyone talks to me about this or any other concern, we'll figure out what to do together. There are people at this school who are willing to help however they can.